Real talk.

I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me, but I feel like I have to share all the nitty gritty parts of my story.

I am struggling in a MAJOR way to stay under the AF weight limit. My recruiter has been weighing me every week, pressuring me to lose more and I'm so stressed about it that I'm pretty sure my body can't even lose weight effectively right now.

Yes. I know it's the standard, and I know I need to suck it up. No, I'm not whining. I'm just sharing my side of the story. In case anyone else is in a similar situation, I want you to know you're not alone. Yes, I know technically they can tape you to determine your body fat percentage. However, I also have a feeling that they won't. They have stressed that I MUST be under the weight limit.

I am 30. My body is different than that of a 17 year old. My body will NEVER be exactly like that of a 17 year old again. I have had two kids, I have extra skin on my belly that has been slowly shrinking but likely won't ever totally disappear without surgery. As we get older, we tend to hang onto weight moreso than younger people. As we age, our physical ability naturally wanes a little and it takes extra effort to overcome that disadvantage.

I am NEVER going to be at the low end of my "healthy" BMI, which is 115 pounds. Not. Gonna. Happen.

I am about 146 pounds, and the weight limit for my height is 150. My body type is stocky and muscular, I gain muscle somewhat more easily than other body types. I don't think I will ever be thin, I don't think my body wants to be. I lean out the best when I'm lifting heavy.

Except, I've been told to stop lifting. I've been told I have to lose weight, even if it means giving up muscle.

That makes ZERO sense.  I am fit, strong and can rock a mock PT test. Now I need to lose some of my progress and my fitness ability by purposefully letting my muscles atrophy.

I feel trapped. I don't want to go to BMT unprepared. I've been running like crazy since it's my weakest area on the PT test. I've improved my run in a major way, I can run 1.5 in less than 15 minutes which I feel is awesome progress considering I couldn't do it in under 18 about 1.5 months ago. I can run for 30-40 minutes straight without stopping.

My weight just doesn't want to budge. I look leaner. My clothes fit more loosely. None of that matters though, because I'm not "far enough" under the magic number.

Prior to MEPS recently, I was told to "sweat it out" by working out and sitting in the sauna. I was told the afternoon before not to drink any liquids at all. They jokingly told me, "skip mcdonalds here and there, you'll be fine". Ouch, ok.... I'm not one to let people's stupid comments cause undue butthurt, but that was just a crappy comment. I don't look fat. I have some bodyfat left to lose, but when I look in the mirror I see a girl far leaner than she used to be. So, based on my weight, they assume I just like to stuff my face or that I'm lazy. I MUST be lying about all the working out I do. I am CLEARLY fibbing that I eat clean 90% of the time. It couldn't possibly be my body type or the fact that because I'm strong and have muscle. Nope, I'm clearly a lazy person who just needs to lay off the french fries.

Rather than be "offended" by that comment, I was like, "I'll show you!!!"

Except that my body doesn't want to cooperate. It doesn't want to be skinny. My body type thrives with lean muscle. I lean out when I'm lifting heavy. But my WEIGHT doesn't change. At my leanest, I weighed nearly the same as I do now!

So here I am, frustrated and stuck. Probably not eating enough. Obsessed with my weight. Obsessed with calorie burn. Stressed out that I will gain weight or not lose enough. Unable to do any strength training which may cause weight gain because of lean muscle growth.

Now, this is NOT so anyone feels sorry for me. I'm irritated and frustrated, but I'm also extremely determined and not about to let something like this hold me back. I am going to keep working hard, eating clean and drinking water in hopes that my body will lose enough to make me "safe".

Come on, Air Force, PLEASE change this standard, so that future recruits aren't starving themselves or sitting in the sauna all day just to get in. Skinny doesn't always equal fit. Muscle is a GOOD thing.

Now... off to the gym to work out.

What to pack for BMT

I am packing pretty lightly but there are a few things I really wanted to pick out ahead of time. Here is the most current packing list. :)

I am bringing things in my own black tactical bag, but we will be issued a new one at BMT. I'm good with that, I didn't buy this backpack solely for BMT, I got it for hiking and it has had a lot of love, so I'm pretty stoked about getting a new one!

I am bringing:

• important documents- all in an "accordion" folder including but not limited to my SS card, copies of my husband's and kid's SS cards, actual certified copy of my marriage license, my actual birth certificate, copies of my kid's and husband's birth certificates, sealed official copies of my college transcripts, etc. 
• drivers license, DoD dependent ID, and $20 cash 
• toiletries- travel-sized shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, deodorant, and q-tips (again, these are all issued, but I need them during the hotel stay)
• conservative makeup- mineral foundation, eyebrow pencil, small tube of concealer and facial moisturizer. That's it, nothing else. I'm going to have my husband ship the rest of my makeup to me once I'm at tech school.  I'm only bringing these with the hope that I'll be permitted to use them for photos and graduation. 
• full-sized tooth brush (this is supplied to us now, but I need it for the hotel stay the night before anyway, and it can't hurt to have an extra on hand)
• feminine hygiene stuff- it was recommended to me to bring 2 week's worth 
• 2 t-shirts, 2 extra pairs of pants (including a pair of nice khakis, as jeans are not authorized for wearing on the way to tech school), 3 pairs of socks 
• 7 pairs of black conservative underwear, my recruiter calls these "granny panties" but they don't have to be briefs like what elderly women wear, lol, as long as they are conservative. No thongs or other revealing cuts. 
• 7 sports bras and one "regular" underwire t-shirt bra for wearing with blues
• 3 pairs of black compression shorts- I may purchase more at the BX upon arrival but I was told 3 would be enough 
• lint-removing sticky roller (It isn't on the list, but I know I'll want to keep my blues lookin' sharp)  
• mini notebook and one blue pen (we will be issued a regular notebook and pens, so I don't see the point in bringing more) 
• shower shoes- the ones that are issued are one-size-fits-all and I wanted a pair that fits my feet. They are plain, black flip flops, no decorative straps, just plastic. 
• phone charger
• hair ties, hair pins, bobby pins and a bun-maker all in the color of my hair 
• sewing kit- I have a tiny mini ABU repair kit that I got from our BX 
• small photo album with some photos
• One black "business casual" button down shirt, apparently newly graduated Airmen are wearing business casual civvies on the way to tech school instead of their uniform. I'm assuming it's a security thing, because I think they used to be required to travel in uniform. 
• I will be wearing my running shoes at MEPS, just one less thing to pack 

They are phasing out web belts in favor of black tactical backpacks (yay!!! This is good news!) and the backpack comes with a ton of stuff. You get all of it and you have to pay for all of it, regardless of whether or not you use all of it. It's in your best interest to try not to pack doubles. I've packed a few things that are issued, but I have specific reasons for doing so.

Members will be provided a backpack upon arrival as part of the Backpack Initiative which will have the below items provided. Member’s pay for the backpacks out of their initial clothing allowance. The backpacks are provided to make the process smoother. Members will be able to purchase any additional items needed during their flights initial shopping run at the Base Exchange (BX) upon arrival. If you have any further questions you may contact your local recruiters for further information and guidance.

Backpack Initiative –Issued Upon Arrival

1 Laundry bag -$ 7.30
4 Mesh Bags -$ 15.96
1 Pad Lock -$ 3.95
2 Writing Pens -$1.30
2 Black Sharpies -$ 1.89
4 Brown Towels -$ 10.00
4 Blousing straps -$ 2.00
1 Flashlight -$ 9.30
ID card Holder -$ 5.25
1 Toothbrush -$ 0.79
1 Toothpaste $ 2.49
1 Toothbrush Case -$ 1.35
1 Dental Floss -$ 0.99
1 Foot Powder -$ 2.90
1 Deodorant -$ 2.89
1 Laundry Detergent -$ 4.45
1 BX Trash Bags -$ 1.79
Nail Trimming Kit -$ 3.99
1 Canteen -$ 3.40
1 Storage Container -$ 5.99
1 Backpack -$ 44.85
1 Reflective belt -$ 5.95
2 Silver Sharpie -$ 2.99
1 Ruler -$ 0.29
1 Highlighters -$ 1.99
1 Note Pad -$ 0.99
1 BK Stamps -$ 9.80
1 BX Envelopes -$ 1.29
1 “3 in 1” Soap -$ 2.95
Shower Shoes -$ 1.10

Backpack initiative –w/ backpack: $165 -$177
NOTE: This is due to availability of products listed above. If an item is unavailable, PRC staff will provide a list of those items that will be picked up at the flights Initial BX Run. The cost maybe higher/lower based on product name.

I am not bringing a phone card, as I plan on buying one at the BX when I arrive. I couldn't find any at my local wal-mart or my BX, apparently they are just a rarity these days. :P It's on the list that my recruiter gave me, but I've been told I can get it at the BX at lackland, so I'm not going to bother with it now. 

So.... that is what I'm bringing with me. It sounds like a lot, but it really isn't. Pack very light, as anything you bring that is not authorized can either get you into trouble or just cause you to have extra crap to lug to tech school with you. Have a loved one ship it to tech school or bring it on a visit rather than trying to keep it at BMT.

Leave ALL expensive stuff home. Fancy watches, expensive jewelry, etc... leave it at home. I'm not even wearing earrings. I am bringing the absolute bare minimum. 

If you have any questions, feel free to ask! I have picked many brains about this in order to get a good idea of what to bring, and I've also read Aim High Erin's blog post about BMT packing. Best of luck! 

Facing the Judgments about Enlistment

"You have a degree, why on EARTH would you enlist? Why not be an officer? Officers get paid more. Why would you want to join the military? You'll give up all your freedoms and become a part of a crazy bureaucracy and you'll be at their mercy at for years to come. You could have a normal, civilian job. Why would you risk being apart from your family? What about your kids? Why would you leave your kids??? You were gone one day recently and your son really missed you." 

Thankfully I have a lot of supporters that drown this out. YES, I have thought about all of this. NO, I often don't take the time to explain myself because I do not need to defend every action I take to everyone who questions me. However, I'll explain now for the benefit of those facing the same scrutiny. If you're trying to enlist and there are people tearing down your decision, please please please read what I have to say.

Yes, I have a degree and I'm enlisting. I applied for OTS and I was not selected. It would have been a lengthy wait to apply again. I just couldn't justify needing to get a new medical waiver every time just for a sliver of a chance. No, enlisting is not settling. Enlisting is a path for me to do what I REALLY want, which is to serve my country. Yes, I will get paid less. Yes, that's ok. Yes, I am aware of the bureaucracy. After 2 years of trying to get in, I've become pretty familiar with it.

The hardest part of BMT, for me, isn't going to be the physical aspect or the routine or the rigid rules. It is going to be missing my kids. My husband is amazing. AMAZING. He is such a great Dad and he has always been my equal in loving and caring for them. I feel like some men take a backseat and let the wife do all the diaper changes and the nitty gritty stuff, but not my husband. I know he will take extra special care of them. My husband has never treated me like the "female" or the "wife" in a stereotypical way. That plays a HUGE part in our decision together for me to enlist. He doesn't stereotype me, he lets me be who I am. He knows me really well, and he knows us, and together we believe we can do this.

I will tell myself what I tell my kids. " When you see the moonlight or the sunlight, remember it's the same that shines on me. No matter how far I am, my love for you crosses the distance"

It's odd to me that women face such criticism when joining the military. When my husband joined there were a few skeptics but for the most part it was "congrats, that's amazing! Thanks for your willingness to serve." I don't remember anyone guilting him for "leaving" his children or myself. However, in my case, I have gotten a LOT of that. "You're going to leave your kids? That tech school is really long, are you sure that's a good idea?" I have friends who've been told they're "too pretty" to enlist. I have friends who serve who come across people in public who openly assume they are a military spouse because of their gender.

Let's get this out of the way real quick. It is no more or less "right" for a man or a woman to enlist. It is no harder or easier on their family depending on their gender. Yes, my children will miss me but they missed their Dad when he was away. They survived; they are strong and smart and amazing and they can do this too.  

Thankfully, I also have tons of support, so the naysayers and the judgers are kept at bay. What those people don't understand is that I never wanted a 9 to 5. I want to serve my country. What that really means is that I choose a job that the Air Force really needs me in. They really need linguists. They really need people who score high enough to even take the DLAB. They desperately need people to pass the DLAB and to go to Monterey and pass a very long, very hard tech school. If anyone can do it, I can. Not to toot my own horn, but I am smart and I'm a fast learner. I don't let things defeat me. If it is hard, I work harder to overcome it. I am what they need right now, and instead of playing it safe with a less difficult job, I have chosen to rise to the opportunity.

Furthermore, beyond the AF demands, this job sounds absolutely right up my alley. I was about to go for admin jobs, and I know that was playing it safe. This is an opportunity to challenge myself, push my boundaries. I have always wanted to learn another language. Here's a very intense but rewarding shot at doing so. It comes with sacrifices. I had to make peace with those and I had to talk with my husband about it. It is hard. I don't make this decision lightly in the least. This is quite possibly one of the most pivotal decisions of my entire life. No pressure. 

 I sat and thought a while about how linguistics scares me a little. The words "high washout" and "extremely difficult" and "really lengthy" echo in my mind. However, I also thought, when have I EVER not tried to do something that I wanted to do because it scared me? When have I ever taken a back seat because something would be challenging? That isn't me. I face my fears for the greater good.  

Yes, it will be hard. Yes, mil-to-mil is hard. Yes, it isn't for everyone. After extensively talking about it, about every detail and every scenario we could think of, my husband and I fully believe we can make it work. We have been through a lot and only ever come out stronger. We communicate well, we are a team, and we can do this. I can do this.

So my message to you, if you are enlisting, is to drown out all the other thoughts and opinions and listen to your own inner voice. Is this right for you? Do you feel in your gut that you want to try? Do you feel in your gut that it is something you feel called to do? Have you considered the pros and the cons? Have you made peace with the challenges? Have you come to terms with deployment and separation from family and friends? If you can face all of that, and still want to serve then you should serve. Don't let someone talk you out of something because it doesn't make sense to them. It has to make sense to YOU. You and your immediate family are the ones who matter here. If you can face this, you will be ok. 

You will look back on your life and you will be grateful you didn't shrink to fit in a hole that other people expected you to settle for. Dream big. Dream so big it scares you. Dream so big that what you accomplish molds you into an even better person. Be the person you are destined to be and don't let anyone dull your sparkle. 

Taking the DLAB- Defense Language Aptitude Battery

On Wednesday, I swore in to the DEP program for the US Air Force. I can't even put into words what this meant for me. I intend to do a post about my experience at MEPS and my "Medical Inspect". However, this post is going to be more about how I've been encouraged to take the DLAB to see if I qualify to be a  cryptologic linguist.

Now, on to prepping. Some people say, "There is no way to study, just go and do your best".

Well..... I don't buy that because I'm me and there is ALWAYS a way to prepare for things. There has to be SOMETHING I can do to prepare. I found a video someone made with her suggestions and resources for doing well.

I've also had several people suggest studying the parts of sentences and sentence structure; predicate, subject, clause, phrase, modifer, etc. I found a few websites by googling and started taking notes because that's the best way for me to remember something is if I write it down. 

This website has 5 ways to study for the DLAB

I will be soaking up all the resources I can google and working hard to do as well as I possibly can. Its really important to me to do my best, even if I'm on the fence a bit still.

Cryptologic Linguist would be an incredibly interesting field, I would love to learn a new language but it is also a very intense field with a very long tech school with a high washout rate. Yes, it would be hard, but I've never been one to shy away because of odds or because something is hard. However, I have to look past all of that and learn what I can so I know if I'd like this job long term.

For now, I'm going to study English grammar and sentence structure and do my best!!! Following the test, I will probably not make another post about the DLAB because I don't want to risk compromising the test or the types of questions on it and get into trouble for doing so. My advice up front is to do what I'm doing and study grammar. It's been a LONG time since I've had to study grammar and while I read a ton and have very good grammar, I don't remember the rules or the names of the main components of a sentence. I have some work to do! 

 Best of luck to you if you're also taking the DLAB! 

FINALLY

After months of waiting and months of completing new tests and having my poor doctor take care of stuff at the drop of a hat... after a full year since I first spoke to my enlisted accessions recruiter... My SG level waiver has been approved!!!! What that means is, I am cleared for military service in the Air Force. 

After all of the effort, tears, frustration, patience and the rest of my crazy mix of feelings, I am allowed the enormous privilige to serve the United States of America as an Airman (after earning it at BMT of course). I have no idea when I'll ship, I am assuming it won't be very soon since everyone I've talked to lately has waited quite a while to ship. 

However, it is time to kick some SERIOUS butt in fitness and nutrition. It's hard to keep up motivation preparing for something you "hope" will happen, but this is happening! Now I need to really focus and take extra good care of this body of mine so that I can be strong and prepared for BMT. Yesterday I worked out while imagining an MTI yelling at me. That sounds kind of silly, but honestly, I thought to myself, "If there was an MTI here, would this cut it? Am I giving it my all or am I phoning it in?" Anyway, it was a killer workout. 

I just wanted to post an update and let everyone who follows this blog know I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth! The last few months, I've just been trying to figure out what in the world I was going to do if I didn't get in. I spent so much time trying to enlist that I was feeling kind of lost. I literally had applied to dozens of jobs in my area trying to start my career (I have a Bachelor's in Business). 

My recruiter's phone call came at the perfect time. I was feeling low because I had been passed over for a REALLY good job. After her phone call tons of emails appeared in my inbox, "Thank you for applying, but we've decided to go with more qualified candidates."

Sayonara civilian world (for now). I finally have something I wanted far more than any job. Serving in the Air Force, for me, isn't about the benefits or the pay. It's about the unique experiences, the discipline and over all the privilege to serve my country. It's about developing myself into the best version of me. It's about doing something I've always wanted to do but thought my chance had passed. 

Now, time for a run! 

Monday Motivation, a.k.a. A swift kick in the pants

I have been majorly busy. Like.... I don't even know how to think straight, I'm exhausted and worn out to the point that I'm finally coming down with what I refer to as "kid plague".... the string of illnesses you get when you work with kids.

I am willing to bet that most of us feel like that sometimes, if not almost all the time. Life is so busy and crazy and full of events that we find it hard to find "me" time and focus on what we NEED for ourselves and our sanity.

I've been reading, "You Are A Badass" by Jen Sincero and it is AMAZING. Pure gold for anyone who is needing a kick in the pants and some extra motivation.

You see, if we aren't where we want to be or need to be, we should be doing something each day to bring us closer. You need to just put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

I don't know for SURE what my absolute calling is in life. However.... I do know:

• I need to make a living wage that earns me financial stability and the ability to pay off my student loans
• I need to make a difference in other people's lives 
• I need to challenge myself and get out of my comfort zone
• I need to be able to use my creativity in some way, shape or form

I'm not gonna lie. My current job just isn't what I need. It isn't what I want. It doesn't take care of those at all. I didn't go to school to be a teacher and I feel so out of place right now. Like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Some people are so good at what I do, but I'm just not. And that's ok. 

However, I'm going to let you in on a little secret! The ONLY way that I'll get to where I want to be, is if I make the most of where I'm at RIGHT NOW. The same counts for you too! 

Where I'm at is a stepping stone. If I whine and gripe and complain, I'll only succeed in making myself miserable. If I look around at people who are succeeding and I allow myself to get jealous and feel sorry for myself, I'll spiral downward into a hole. Instead, I am going to find the ways that my current situation and job works for me.

I choose positivity. I choose to work hard and do my absolute best. I choose to excel and have a high work ethic and do everything I can to be the best I can. I will do what I can with where I'm at until I can build myself a stairway to something that suits me better. Be it personal training, enlisting in the military, or interior design.... whatever it is that I'm destined to do is out there waiting for me and I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

You must do the same. If you want to do better and be better, then you need to just do your best every single day and keep working hard. No one ever met their goals by moping and feeling sorry for themselves. We only get to where we want to be by putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.

Ok, so enough of the pep talk. Go out, do your thang, and do it well. Give this day everything you've got!!!! Don't half-ass any of it! Even if you're tired out, even if you're grumpy, even if this is the most monday-ish monday EVER. Go out and kill it. This day is one day you will NEVER get back, so what are you going to do today to bring you one little step closer?

Vegan Strawberry Shakeology Mug Cake

Does anyone else lose their marbles when you click on a link to a recipe in a blog and there are 20 bazillion paragraphs going on and on about the inspiration and story behind the recipe? It kind of drives me nuts.... So....I'm not going to do that to you.

I like cake. Cake usually isn't healthy. I like healthy mug cakes. I don't like chocolate cake very much so I made this instead. End of story. Enjoy!!!

Vegan Strawberry Shakeology Mug Cake

- 1 packet vegan strawberry shakeology
- 1/2 tsp. baking powder
- 1 tbsp. olive or coconut oil
- 1 tbsp. milk sub (almond milk or coconut milk)
- 1 large egg
- pinch of salt
- stevia to taste if desired
- fresh strawberries diced, optional to add a small amount of stevia to help sweeten them if tart

Mix the dry ingredients first and then add the wet and mix well, Microwave 2-3 minutes checking often. As soon as it sets up and pulls away from the edges of the mug, it is done. If you overcook it, it will be very dry!

It should come out of the mug very easily. Put it in a bowl and top with the strawberries. Enjoy!