SAHM to Airman!

Real talk.

I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me, but I feel like I have to share all the nitty gritty parts of my story.

I am struggling in a MAJOR way to stay under the AF weight limit. My recruiter has been weighing me every week, pressuring me to lose more and I'm so stressed about it that I'm pretty sure my body can't even lose weight effectively right now.

Yes. I know it's the standard, and I know I need to suck it up. No, I'm not whining. I'm just sharing my side of the story. In case anyone else is in a similar situation, I want you to know you're not alone. Yes, I know technically they can tape you to determine your body fat percentage. However, I also have a feeling that they won't. They have stressed that I MUST be under the weight limit.

I am 30. My body is different than that of a 17 year old. My body will NEVER be exactly like that of a 17 year old again. I have had two kids, I have extra skin on my belly that has been slowly shrinking but likely won't ever totally disappear without surgery. As we get older, we tend to hang onto weight moreso than younger people. As we age, our physical ability naturally wanes a little and it takes extra effort to overcome that disadvantage.

I am NEVER going to be at the low end of my "healthy" BMI, which is 115 pounds. Not. Gonna. Happen.

I am about 146 pounds, and the weight limit for my height is 150. My body type is stocky and muscular, I gain muscle somewhat more easily than other body types. I don't think I will ever be thin, I don't think my body wants to be. I lean out the best when I'm lifting heavy.

Except, I've been told to stop lifting. I've been told I have to lose weight, even if it means giving up muscle.

That makes ZERO sense.  I am fit, strong and can rock a mock PT test. Now I need to lose some of my progress and my fitness ability by purposefully letting my muscles atrophy.

I feel trapped. I don't want to go to BMT unprepared. I've been running like crazy since it's my weakest area on the PT test. I've improved my run in a major way, I can run 1.5 in less than 15 minutes which I feel is awesome progress considering I couldn't do it in under 18 about 1.5 months ago. I can run for 30-40 minutes straight without stopping.

My weight just doesn't want to budge. I look leaner. My clothes fit more loosely. None of that matters though, because I'm not "far enough" under the magic number.

Prior to MEPS recently, I was told to "sweat it out" by working out and sitting in the sauna. I was told the afternoon before not to drink any liquids at all. They jokingly told me, "skip mcdonalds here and there, you'll be fine". Ouch, ok.... I'm not one to let people's stupid comments cause undue butthurt, but that was just a crappy comment. I don't look fat. I have some bodyfat left to lose, but when I look in the mirror I see a girl far leaner than she used to be. So, based on my weight, they assume I just like to stuff my face or that I'm lazy. I MUST be lying about all the working out I do. I am CLEARLY fibbing that I eat clean 90% of the time. It couldn't possibly be my body type or the fact that because I'm strong and have muscle. Nope, I'm clearly a lazy person who just needs to lay off the french fries.

Rather than be "offended" by that comment, I was like, "I'll show you!!!"

Except that my body doesn't want to cooperate. It doesn't want to be skinny. My body type thrives with lean muscle. I lean out when I'm lifting heavy. But my WEIGHT doesn't change. At my leanest, I weighed nearly the same as I do now!

So here I am, frustrated and stuck. Probably not eating enough. Obsessed with my weight. Obsessed with calorie burn. Stressed out that I will gain weight or not lose enough. Unable to do any strength training which may cause weight gain because of lean muscle growth.

Now, this is NOT so anyone feels sorry for me. I'm irritated and frustrated, but I'm also extremely determined and not about to let something like this hold me back. I am going to keep working hard, eating clean and drinking water in hopes that my body will lose enough to make me "safe".

Come on, Air Force, PLEASE change this standard, so that future recruits aren't starving themselves or sitting in the sauna all day just to get in. Skinny doesn't always equal fit. Muscle is a GOOD thing.

Now... off to the gym to work out.