I'm no stranger to feeling major mom-guilt. I feel it often. And I have a go-to pep talk that I give myself to ease that guilt. "You are not hurting them or abandoning them. They will face some challenges and they will be sad some days, but Charlie is there to hold them and love them and remind them of how much Mommy loves them. Make them proud. Work hard for them. This is TEMPORARY."
Whenever you feel guilty or worried or just sad to leave your kids behind for a little while, remind yourself of what your decision stands for. You are protecting not only YOUR family, but everyone's families. Thank you for that. Thank you for your willingness to not only protect your own children, but mine too.
You want to hear something weird that changed my perspective? A prison show on Netflix. Nope, not Orange is the New Black. It's all about "women behind bars". There are women in prison who did heinous things to their kids. Abused them, neglected them and did drugs while they were present. There are women who give birth in prison and have to hand over their babies 3 days later. There was one woman who was high on heroin and brutally beat her 3-year old.
As desperately sad as that is, it reminds me of something. I am not even a little bit like them. I'm not abandoning my kids. They'll be safe and they'll get to visit me. I'll get to tell them I'm doing something amazing. I won't be in prison, I'll be in a beautiful location I wouldn't otherwise get to live in and experience new places, new foods and make new friends. This is a truly awesome opportunity. It will be hard, but it is a GOOD thing. And the difficulties in life make us stronger.
So if you're in the same boat, take a deep breath. You are NOT a bad mom. Banish the guilt.
There are some fun things you can do to help pass the time and help remind them of your love while you're away. I'm going to post some ideas. :)
- Make a paper chain with a link for every day until you get to see them.
- Make a "kiss jar" and put hershey's kisses in it for each night while you're away, "A kiss from mommy/daddy each night".
- Shutterfly (or other company) calendar. I made personalized calendars; one for home and one to have sent to me at tech school. They have photos of us, and I thought the kids would take comfort in knowing I look at the exact same calendar every day.
- Shutterfly Puzzle- have a favorite photo of your and your kids made into a puzzle (shutterfly has tons of other cool stuff, I made myself a mug with photos of my husband, kids and dog on it for using at tech school)
- Mommy/Daddy memory box- make a box with a lid and a slot in the top like a mail slot. When they draw a picture or write a little note, they can plop it in.
- Mommy/Daddy dolls- You can order a small pillow that is a photo of you for them to snuggle at night.
- Build-a-bear- have your child pick out a stuffed animal and get one of the recorders in their paws and record your voice saying "I love you" or some other special message.
- Record you reading them a favorite book so you can read them a story at night even when you're away.
- Make them a "care package" ahead of time with little goodies and surprises for a loved one to give them if they have a particularly rough day.
- Keep a "tech school" or "deployment" journal specifically for your kids. Write to them as if you're writing a letter and then keep it as a keepsake to read to them later. Honestly, I think this will help me a LOT at tech school. I've always found writing to be therapeutic.
- "Open-when" letters- Make letters for them to open during certain days. This is particularly helpful during BMT when you may not have much time, especially in the beginning. You can write "Open when you get home after dropping mommy off" with a little note and photo.
No comments:
Post a Comment