After a year and a half of battling MEPS, after hours of community service, hours of studying..... after all the enormous effort of applying to Officer Training School for the Air Force... I was a non-select.
Ok, so now that I've made peace with it, here's a cool video to lighten the mood and make you laugh a little. Also, A-10's are awesome. :) Here is a demonstration of how I felt when I got the news.
I have to wait another 6 months to reapply. I need to go through all the medical stuff again because my medical waiver expires before then. Furthermore, my recruiter told me not to bother applying again because I'd "never be selected" based on having a non-technical degree. I have a Business Degree, and there were several people picked that had similiar degrees. I have been told my mentors (one of which is an officer) not to give up, that I have a solid chance and to at least try one more time.
I'm on the hunt for a new recruiter, but Officer Accessions recruiters are far and few in between. I don't fall apart easily, I don't lose my nearly obnoxious level of enthusiasm easily. This got me though. This hit me hard. It made me feel low. I can't find a good civilian job in my location, and the military doesn't seem to want me either. Ouch.
I wallowed. Because I was in the privacy of my home, I just let the emotion come crashing down on me and I let myelf feel it. Sometimes allowing yourself to feel human is what lets you move on and heal.
Now it is time to pick the pieces back up. It is time to find a way. I am still looking for a new recruiter, someone who will sign me up for the dual-track program. So if I don't get selected again, I immediately enlist. I like this, because my ultimate goal is to serve our country. All the other factors, rank, benefits, position, etc. are not as important to me as serving.
Because of the holidays, I haven't been able to get a hold of an enlisted recruiter. I've emailed, and called two different phone numbers. One number has no voicemail, the other is full. I'm going to give it a couple more weeks before I start going to other recruiting offices. I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I am an excellent candidate for military service and I'm not going to give up until I'm at a dead end that's out of my control.
So here I am, feeling a little lost. I need to figure out what is next. I've begun studying for the ASVAB. It's not terribly difficult, but after studying for the AFOQT, I am used to rushing through the questions at full-speed (because you have to in order to finish each section). I need to train myself to slow back down a little, focus on each question and read carefully.
Fitness needs to remain a priority as well, so I'll be focusing on that big time. I'm currently finishing up Insanity Max 30 (amazing by the way) and starting up Hammer and Chisel. I'm excited to jump into something new, and excited for a much-needed outlet for feeling rather frustrated. Exercise is the best therapy. When you're upset, frustrated, or even sad, you can pour all of your emotion into the workout. Rather than punishing yourself, you're rewarding yourself with a stronger body AND a stronger mind.
So here I am, back at the beginning, wondering where I'll go next.
I hope in 6-8 months I can say that one way or another, I'm an airman in the U.S. Air Force. I am going to do everything in my power to make it happen.
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