The 2016 Bataan Memorial Death March

This post is LONG overdue! Over a week ago, my husband and I marched the Bataan Memorial Death March, a 26.2 mile march through mostly sand. It is in remembrance of the American and Filipino men and women forced to march through over 60 miles of jungle. They were surrendered to the Japanese and this was a brutal march. They were not treated well and many died.

We arrived at White Sands Missile Range at 5:30 in the morning, and we lined up for the ceremony around 6am. It was very chilly that morning and so early it was still very dark. There were thousands of civilians, veterans and active duty military present. It was so amazing to come together for something this big. It's not often that I get to experience marching alongside veterans, wounded warriors and military personnel. Most races have a feeling of comradery but this far surpassed any race I've participated in in the past.

The ceremony described why we do the memorial march and what the history is. Then they did a symbolic role call. The names of three survivors were called, and then the names of those who had fallen since the last Bataan were called. The list was long, and it sent chills down my spine. I think we (civilians) become so removed from it, we don't see it or experience it so it feels far away. Hearing the list of names, and the pause afterwards, indicating that they were no longer with us.... it's something that hits so close to home. They should be here, but they aren't.

Then the survivors drove by in vans, we couldn't really see them though through the windows. After that, the wounded warriors came through. I cannot even describe what it felt like. It was a whole group of heroes, many who were amputees or double amputees. We clapped and cheered them on, but I really felt like I could not possibly fully express my gratitude for these men and women.

Following the ceremony, they fired a shot (blank of course) and I remember thinking about all the vets around me with their service dogs. With thousands of people around us, I knew a good portion of them likely had PTSD. I remember hoping that the shot fired didn't startle them or catch them off guard.

After a while, we began walking towards the starting line. A GIANT flag hung overhead with the sunrise shining from behind, illuminating it. It was beautiful. I'm not sure I've ever even seen a flag that big.  Ahead in the line, there were survivors, and we got to shake their hands. That's powerful stuff. I can't really even do that justice with words. What they had endured was far, far worse than the march we were about to take. Ours was about a third as long as theirs, and we had all the amenities. If we became injured or experienced heat exhaustion, medics were everywhere to help. If we simple couldn't go on, we would get to quit, and go home. There were water stations with fresh fruit. The march the Bataan survivors had faced had none of those things. If they fell behind or slowed down, they could die. Every step of the way, I tried to remind myself of that.

The first half of the march is mostly uphill and much of it is through sand. I learned very quickly why most people wore a type of cover over their ankles, and made a mental note that if I ever did this again, I needed to get a pair.

It was actually a very scenic march. As the sun rose higher into the sky, I started noticing these little yellow flowers. I thought it was oddly appropriate for the occasion. Yellow is a color that signifies waiting for service members to come home. (Also, just an FYI, many wear Red on Fridays, RED= Remember Everyone Deployed).

It was a VERY long march for us and it took my husband and I about 10 hours. We stopped once because he thought he had some mild heat exhaustion, despite drinking lots of water and gatorade. The dry desert heat is sneaky because it wicks away your sweat very rapidly. My husband had chosen to do his march in his uniform, which is "winter weight" rather than "summer weight". After stopping to rest, re-hydrating and seeing a medic briefly, we were once again on our way.

The first half seemed to go fast, but the last half was agonizingly slow. Towards the last quarter of the 26.2 miles, I felt blisters forming on my feet. My back ached and my knees ached, and I was only carrying a camelback on my back. Many participants do the "heavy" march, and carry 35 pound packs through the race. I can't even imagine. Honestly, I can't. I felt like a bit of a wuss, carrying my little camelback and feeling the deep ache in my lower back and in my neck.

Someone mentioned, "Watch for the water tower. You will walk straight toward it for several miles, and then, you'll finally make a loop around it. You will hate that water tower. You will curse it. But once you walk around it, you're done."

Sure enough, there it was, looming in the distance. We walked along the back of post housing, where someone graciously was spraying us lightly with a hose. Finally. Almost there. We finally made it to the water tower, walked all the way around and we could just about see the finish line. Finally. I was just so ready to get back to the car. I wanted so badly to take off my shoes. You have no idea, I wanted those shoes off so bad, but walking barefoot in the desert would be a terrible idea. People think "sand" and think soft, beachy sand. This sand isn't like that. It's course and rocky, and full of burrs and random debris from dead cacti and such.

Just after we crossed the finish line, a General was there to shake our hand. I was pretty geeked! As someone who wants to enlist, it's pretty cool to meet top leadership. I appreciated that he was there to congratulate us, especially since we weren't fast finishers.

We had our photos taken, and then headed straight for the car. Problem was, the finish line was much further from the car than the start line. We had to hike back to the car.

I got a total of around 62,000 steps, climbed 195 floors, and burned over 4,000 calories! (Thanks Fitbit!)

Even after all of that, feeling so extremely exhausted, with huge blisters and sore muscles and a fatigued body..... we hadn't even come close to what the Bataan survivors faced. That kind of realization is very powerful, and it fills you with a gratitude. You have to experience this to really understand. It is something I think everyone should do at least once. It's something that belongs on your bucket list.

To any veteran or service member reading this, you have my sincerest gratitude and appreciation. Thank you for your service.

Gluten Free Rainbow Cake Batter Pancakes

This is my own recipe that I've adapted over the past year or so, and I'm always working on improving it. However, I have to share because it is delicious, filling, packed with protein and gluten free. :) We don't make them super often, normally I go for something lower in carbs. Eggs tend to be my breakfast staple. However, sometimes you just need a delicious, cakey pancake to kill the craving.

2 cups white rice flour
1/2 cup almond flour
1/2 cup coconut flour
2 eggs
6 tsp. baking powder
1/2 cup sugar
a couple of pinches of salt (omit if using salted butter)
1/2 cup melted butter
1 tsp. vanilla extract
2 scoops of your favorite vanilla protein powder
2 1/2 cups milk (plus more if it seems too thick)

Mix all of the dry ingredients first and then add the wet ingredients. Even when it is mixed well it will seem a little thick and lumpy. I love my pancakes thick and cakey, so this is perfect for me. Get the pan ready and put a little olive oil (we use a sprayer that sprays a very fine amount) in the pan and turn it up to medium or low heat.

I use a 1/4 measuring cup to put them in the pan. Because these are so thick, they are easier to manage if you keep them on the smaller side, around 3-4 inches in diameter. After you pour it into the pan, pour some sprinkles on. It will not set up like "normal" pancakes, with the bubbles, etc. on the top so watch instead for how shiny it is. As it cooks, it will get less shiny and the edges will set up really well. Then it should be ready to flip.

I don't time them, I just watch how they cook. This is a BIG batch of pancakes, but I like that there is plenty for my hungry family. I have 2 boys and a husband, so they can eat a LOT!!!!

I actually don't use syrup (yup, I eat my pancakes plain) because it's too much sweetness for me. My husband and kids love using honey or pure maple syrup. Just be careful if you're new to eating gluten free, the store bought table syrups (anything that isn't pure maple syrup) usually have gluten in them.

Happy Saturday! I hope you have a beautiful weekend!

What is your "Why"???

You've probably heard this term before. In ANYTHING you want to accomplish in life, literally ANY goal, you must have a "Why"! You must have a solid, clear, motivating idea as to why you want to succeed. If you just absently think, "I just want to look hot", chances are you aren't going to stick with it. Your brain will think, "Oh, what is hot anyways? I'm already hot!". Don't leave your reasons up to interpretation. Form solid reasons that will carry you through ANYTHING. Form reasons that pop into your mind when you're about to quit and get you to push forward anyway. 

My "why" for fitness encompasses a lot of things across all aspects of my life. I want to be around a long time for my family. I have children who look up to me and need me to set a good example. I want to look good in my clothes and feel good about myself. I want to be strong and toned. I want to inspire others. I want to prove to other people that this can be done. 

Also, I want to join the military. I have been at this for about 2 years now. First, I applied to Officer Training School, and now I am working on enlisting since my degree isn't in high demand for OTS. I'm awaiting medical paperwork and I'm TERRIFIED of being disqualified. However, I promised myself that I would see this through. I promised myself that I wouldn't give up. Even if I get disqualified, I would have given this every ounce of my determination and know without a doubt that I did my absolute best.

This has been my major "why". Every time I push "play" and do a workout and every time I step outside for a run, I think to myself about the kind of shape I need to be in. If I go to BMT I need to be in excellent physical condition in order to excel on PT tests. Every time I think about giving up, I think about an MTI barking at me and putting me on my face (that means extra push-ups). I can't quit, because I wouldn't be allowed to quit if I joined. That is what motivates me to keep pushing myself as hard as I can. 

The video I hoped to share is only on facebook, and can be viewed publicly HERE

However, since that is only available on facebook, here is another good one. It's hard to put into words why I want to be an Airman, but the simplest way is to say that I want to be a small piece of a much larger picture. My job is going to be some kind of admin. Yup... that's right, I'll be a "nonner", that is, someone unrelated to any flight crew jobs. However, I will be a piece of the puzzle. I will go above and beyond to do my job as efficiently as possible so that I ensure that others are able to do their jobs. It's a ripple effect. People make fun of the overall Air Force, using terms like "Chair Force", but I believe with all my heart that all the branches are absolutely imperative, and that we work together to be the best military in the world. I want to be one piece of that. I want to defend my family and other families like mine. I want to look back on my life and know without a doubt that I did my part to keep this country safe and sound. 

So, I am going to ask you again.... What is YOUR "Why"? Why do you get up every morning? Why do you do anything that you do? Are your actions taking you closer or further from your dreams?

What is your "Why"? 

I took a little break. I faced a period of time where I was honestly not doing that great. I was afraid to post anything negative because I want my blog to be a source of positivity and encouragement. I went through a couple weeks of just feeling down and a little lost. I kept chugging along, but I felt like I had to take the time to care for myself. I was embarrassed for feeling that way. I'm supposed to be inspiring people, so why was I having a pity party? I hid it.

Then a lightbulb went off. I am not being authentic with you by hiding my difficult days. That is part of this journey. In life, in ANYTHING we do, we are going to face ups and downs.

I could lie to you and say everything is unicorns and rainbows ALL the time. I could pretend like this is easy. But that would be just that... a lie.

This is not easy, guys. When you see someone looking all super fitty at the gym, with gorgeous arms, toned, flat abs, chiseled legs.... It doesn't come easy to them either, even if they make it look easy. It takes time. It takes falling and getting back up. I think if you asked most athletes, they would tell you that they have plenty of disappointing days. Days where they weren't able to meet their goal or days they cheated. It happens. It's part of being human.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret I've finally started to learn. The ONLY difference between you and that person you admire for being fit/successful/[insert positive human trait here] is that they have been failing, climbing back up and succeeding longer. They have fallen down more times, and kept getting back up more times.

The difference is just that they keep getting back up. They keep trying after failing. They don't quit.

That's it. That's the difference. You can be anything you hope to be if you keep getting back up no matter how many times you fall. No matter how many times you fall off of the wagon or skip a workout, as long as you decide to do better the next day, you are succeeding. It applies everywhere in life. No matter how many failures you have, as long as you keep dusting yourself off and moving forward, you will get to where you want to be.

I just went through that period of time where I needed to get back up. I am waiting for my medical clearance to come back. The fate of my future for the next SIX years (at least) lies on someone's desk somewhere. After 2 years of this, of medical records and paperwork and trying to convince MEPS that I'm fit for military service, I am still hanging on by a little thread. After two years of being calm and positive and the picture of a positive attitude, I just got fed up and frustrated. I fell.

I'm not a perfect example of patience and positivity. Sometimes I get into a rut. Sometimes I have to fight to get my good attitude back. It's not magic. There were days recently where I skipped workouts, felt crappy about it, and turned to crappy food to try and make myself feel better. Luckily, I was able to snap myself out of it. I recognized my pity party for what it was, and every day my goal was just to do a little better.

Now I am feeling better. I have realized that it was essential for me to share this. I am back to feeling vibrant and excited. I am filled with motivation and anticipation for what my future holds. I'm pumped and ready to go!

I want you to know that it is OK to not feel that fire sometimes. You still need to keep chugging along as best you can. Don't give up with the fire in you needs re-kindling. Keep moving forward and keep looking for a spark. You'll find it so long as you continue getting up.

Please, trust me. Just get up. <3