Weight loss update- Ketogenic Diet

Recently, I wrote a post about how frustrated I was that the scale wouldn't budge. I wrote about how incredibly frustrated I was that I was doing all the "right" things and couldn't see any progress.

I have FINALLY started losing weight again. If you're stuck at a plateau and you're doing all the right stuff (being active, eating clean, etc) and you're not budging on the scale, consider looking into a ketogenic diet.

I was desperate so I did a ton of reading. I decided to give it a try and was worried and skeptical about this radically different approach, but decided I had to try something different because clearly what I was doing wasn't working.

I am still a TOTAL noob. Not remotely an expert, so I encourage you to do your own googling and read a lot about it before you try it. However, I used a keto calculator and it suggested macros for me to stick to and said not to exceed 20-30 carbs a day. I stuck to those rules and FINALLY have started losing weight again. It's coming off slowly still but I can eat and feel satisfied.

The basics are low-carb, high-fat, moderate protein. You don't want to lose muscle, you want your body burning fat. The very general idea behind it is that you don't get fat from fat, you get fat from excess energy stores from too many carbs. If you're carrying a lot of extra bodyfat, you can train your body to start burning it's current energy stores. Your body will naturally burn carbs you JUST ate BEFORE it burns your bodyfat. This clicked for me.... "OMG, I'm working out to burn off what I just ate. Yikes." You still need to have a calorie deficit, you can't go hog wild and eat all that you want as long as you don't have carbs, but you can eat enough to feel satisfied. I haven't felt like I was starving or deprived. I still try to work in veggies, but I don't eat as much fruit. I don't each starchy stuff like bread or potatoes at all. Yes, it is a sacrifice. If you're truly stuck though, it can be a game-changer!

I don't have a ton of time to go into it or post links, I leave in a matter of days for BMT and I don't want to spend too much time on here blogging when I could be with my family. But seriously, if you're stuck and feeling hopeless and frustrated, look into it!!! I literally just googled it and read a variety of articles about it. I hope this little update might help someone else who is in the same boat!

Leaving Kids Behind

For me and for others in similiar situations, one of the hardest things for us to do is leave our kids behind when heading to BMT and tech school. My tech school is crazy long, and it feels daunting.

I'm no stranger to feeling major mom-guilt. I feel it often. And I have a go-to pep talk that I give myself to ease that guilt. "You are not hurting them or abandoning them. They will face some challenges and they will be sad some days, but Charlie is there to hold them and love them and remind them of how much Mommy loves them. Make them proud. Work hard for them. This is TEMPORARY."

Whenever you feel guilty or worried or just sad to leave your kids behind for a little while, remind yourself of what your decision stands for. You are protecting not only YOUR family, but everyone's families. Thank you for that. Thank you for your willingness to not only protect your own children, but mine too.  

 You want to hear something weird that changed my perspective? A prison show on Netflix. Nope, not Orange is the New Black. It's all about "women behind bars". There are women in prison who did heinous things to their kids. Abused them, neglected them and did drugs while they were present. There are women who give birth in prison and have to hand over their babies 3 days later. There was one woman who was high on heroin and brutally beat her 3-year old.

As desperately sad as that is, it reminds me of something. I am not even a little bit like them. I'm not abandoning my kids. They'll be safe and they'll get to visit me. I'll get to tell them I'm doing something amazing. I won't be in prison, I'll be in a beautiful location I wouldn't otherwise get to live in and experience new places, new foods and make new friends. This is a truly awesome opportunity. It will be hard, but it is a GOOD thing. And the difficulties in life make us stronger.

So if you're in the same boat, take a deep breath. You are NOT a bad mom. Banish the guilt.

There are some fun things you can do to help pass the time and help remind them of your love while you're away. I'm going to post some ideas. :)

1. Make a paper chain with a link for every day until you get to see them. 
2. Make a "kiss jar" and put hershey's kisses in it for each night while you're away, "A kiss from mommy/daddy each night". 
3. Shutterfly (or other company) calendar. I made personalized calendars; one for home and one to have sent to me at tech school. They have photos of us, and I thought the kids would take comfort in knowing I look at the exact same calendar every day. 
4. Shutterfly Puzzle- have a favorite photo of your and your kids made into a puzzle (shutterfly has tons of other cool stuff, I made myself a mug with photos of my husband, kids and dog on it for using at tech school) 
5. Mommy/Daddy memory box- make a box with a lid and a slot in the top like a mail slot. When they draw a picture or write a little note, they can plop it in. 
6. Mommy/Daddy dolls- You can order a small pillow that is a photo of you for them to snuggle at night. 
7. Build-a-bear- have your child pick out a stuffed animal and get one of the recorders in their paws and record your voice saying "I love you" or some other special message. 
8. Record you reading them a favorite book so you can read them a story at night even when you're away. 
9. Make them a "care package" ahead of time with little goodies and surprises for a loved one to give them if they have a particularly rough day. 
10. Keep a "tech school" or "deployment" journal specifically for your kids. Write to them as if you're writing a letter and then keep it as a keepsake to read to them later. Honestly, I think this will help me a LOT at tech school. I've always found writing to be therapeutic. 
11. "Open-when" letters- Make letters for them to open during certain days. This is particularly helpful during BMT when you may not have much time, especially in the beginning. You can write "Open when you get home after dropping mommy off" with a little note and photo. 

Real talk.

I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me, but I feel like I have to share all the nitty gritty parts of my story.

I am struggling in a MAJOR way to stay under the AF weight limit. My recruiter has been weighing me every week, pressuring me to lose more and I'm so stressed about it that I'm pretty sure my body can't even lose weight effectively right now.

Yes. I know it's the standard, and I know I need to suck it up. No, I'm not whining. I'm just sharing my side of the story. In case anyone else is in a similar situation, I want you to know you're not alone. Yes, I know technically they can tape you to determine your body fat percentage. However, I also have a feeling that they won't. They have stressed that I MUST be under the weight limit.

I am 30. My body is different than that of a 17 year old. My body will NEVER be exactly like that of a 17 year old again. I have had two kids, I have extra skin on my belly that has been slowly shrinking but likely won't ever totally disappear without surgery. As we get older, we tend to hang onto weight moreso than younger people. As we age, our physical ability naturally wanes a little and it takes extra effort to overcome that disadvantage.

I am NEVER going to be at the low end of my "healthy" BMI, which is 115 pounds. Not. Gonna. Happen.

I am about 146 pounds, and the weight limit for my height is 150. My body type is stocky and muscular, I gain muscle somewhat more easily than other body types. I don't think I will ever be thin, I don't think my body wants to be. I lean out the best when I'm lifting heavy.

Except, I've been told to stop lifting. I've been told I have to lose weight, even if it means giving up muscle.

That makes ZERO sense.  I am fit, strong and can rock a mock PT test. Now I need to lose some of my progress and my fitness ability by purposefully letting my muscles atrophy.

I feel trapped. I don't want to go to BMT unprepared. I've been running like crazy since it's my weakest area on the PT test. I've improved my run in a major way, I can run 1.5 in less than 15 minutes which I feel is awesome progress considering I couldn't do it in under 18 about 1.5 months ago. I can run for 30-40 minutes straight without stopping.

My weight just doesn't want to budge. I look leaner. My clothes fit more loosely. None of that matters though, because I'm not "far enough" under the magic number.

Prior to MEPS recently, I was told to "sweat it out" by working out and sitting in the sauna. I was told the afternoon before not to drink any liquids at all. They jokingly told me, "skip mcdonalds here and there, you'll be fine". Ouch, ok.... I'm not one to let people's stupid comments cause undue butthurt, but that was just a crappy comment. I don't look fat. I have some bodyfat left to lose, but when I look in the mirror I see a girl far leaner than she used to be. So, based on my weight, they assume I just like to stuff my face or that I'm lazy. I MUST be lying about all the working out I do. I am CLEARLY fibbing that I eat clean 90% of the time. It couldn't possibly be my body type or the fact that because I'm strong and have muscle. Nope, I'm clearly a lazy person who just needs to lay off the french fries.

Rather than be "offended" by that comment, I was like, "I'll show you!!!"

Except that my body doesn't want to cooperate. It doesn't want to be skinny. My body type thrives with lean muscle. I lean out when I'm lifting heavy. But my WEIGHT doesn't change. At my leanest, I weighed nearly the same as I do now!

So here I am, frustrated and stuck. Probably not eating enough. Obsessed with my weight. Obsessed with calorie burn. Stressed out that I will gain weight or not lose enough. Unable to do any strength training which may cause weight gain because of lean muscle growth.

Now, this is NOT so anyone feels sorry for me. I'm irritated and frustrated, but I'm also extremely determined and not about to let something like this hold me back. I am going to keep working hard, eating clean and drinking water in hopes that my body will lose enough to make me "safe".

Come on, Air Force, PLEASE change this standard, so that future recruits aren't starving themselves or sitting in the sauna all day just to get in. Skinny doesn't always equal fit. Muscle is a GOOD thing.

Now... off to the gym to work out.