Living Life By Design

Think about that for a moment. What does it even mean to live life by your own design? REALLY think about it. If you could be anywhere, doing anything, wearing anything.... what would that life look like if you had absolutely no limitations? If money and other people's opinions were of no consequence....It's hard to imagine because we typically DO have limitations. So really stretch yourself for a minute and humor me. What if you didn't??? What does that life look like for you?

We think we know what we want, but sometimes we forget to stretch our dreams a little bit further. We settle. At least, I know I have been settling at least to some extent.

I have a dream. I want to enlist in the military. People sometimes chuckle, "Wow, what made you choose to join so late in life?" I reply that the dream was always there but I didn't have the courage to pursue it. I am also a firm believer that it's never too late to chase a dream. Yup, nearly 30 years old and working on enlisting in the Air Force.

However, I'm facing the realization once again that it just might not happen. I'm stuck in a sea of medical paperwork and potential disqualification. I'm waiting for MEPS to make a decision so I can move forward with life.

That is the big mistake. Right there. The waiting for MEPS to give me permission to live my life. No one can do that. Only I can decide to live my life the way I want to. 

I've been thinking about it a lot lately. If I do get disqualified, what do I want my life to look like? The two options are so entirely different, but I have to be ok if I get disqualified. I have to keep living, and keep being happy. My life's purpose can't hinge on something that may or may not happen.

Who is the girl who moves on from permanent disqualification from the military? Can I see her in my mind? For so long I've seen the woman in uniform, proudly doing whatever Uncle Sam asks so that she can serve her country. That is her most important purpose. That is her calling. But.... what about the other girl? What about the one who doesn't wear a uniform? Who is she and what is her ultimate purpose?

That question has stared me in the face for a while now, and I pushed it aside, choosing to "be positive" and assume I'd get to be the woman in uniform. It's just not healthy or realistic to let that be my only future purpose. Even if I do get into the military, what if something happened and I was discharged? I can't let that be my only identity. I am a human being whose worth is not determined by what I choose to do for a living.

After all this thinking, I'm starting to see who she is again.

This person, no matter what she wears, where she lives or who she does or doesn't work for; She strives to be a good person to have a positive impact on others around her. She strives to see her flaws and weaknesses and actively works on improving those weaknesses. She is spunky and a little eccentric, and quite proud of it. She serves other people. No matter how she does it, no matter what her specific method of doing it is, above all else, she serves PEOPLE. She is proud to be a little different, rocking her long, jet black hair and her tattoos (of which she fully intends to get more). She makes good money and is successful, but she doesn't need all that much to be happy. She just wants to live life comfortably, to be able to travel, to be able to provide well for her family. She rocks her affinity for all things fitness and just smiles when people call her a "health nut" because she knows it's actually a compliment. She has overcome her bad relationship with food and wants to help others do the same. She tries her best to inspire others who in turn inspire her. She knows that life is about people. Life is about collecting moments and experiences and transferring those experiences into something meaningful for others. She knows life is too short to let other people define her worth. She knows that everyone deserves to feel empowered and everyone deserves to have self-worth. No matter how those people find it, they deserve it. They won't always use "her way", and that's ok. As long as people are happy, that is really all that matters. She knows all of this without a single bit of doubt. No matter where life takes her, she won't forget this. 

So who are you really? Outside of what you do and how you think people see you.... who are you absolutely destined to be? Peel off the layers and find out. That is today's PSA.

Make this a beautiful week. If you're unhappy and something just seems off, make a change. A big change or a little change; it doesn't matter as long as you're moving in the right direction.

Today, I chose to make a BIG change.

I needed a bad week.

Well, that sounds kind of silly, doesn't it? Shouldn't you focus on eating healthy all the time? Shouldn't you focus on total and complete focus and motivation? Shouldn't you find ways to avoid "bad" weeks?

Yes and no. Theoretically, we'll have better results if we go hard all the time and stick to our plan. However, we're humans and no robots. Our emotional well-being is more important than our physical well-being. If our mind is not in the right place, it's hard to force our body to do what we think we need it to do.

I needed a break this past week. I didn't eat horribly, but I didn't measure everything out. I had a few cheats. I didn't work out every single day. In fact, I remembered what it's like to just live again. At first I felt an intense guilt. "I'm failing", I thought. I realized then, I had no intention of quitting. I just needed to remember again why I started. I spent a couple of my normal "workout times" cuddling my children and having a family movie night. I needed it. I really, really did. I just started back to work after 5 years of being a stay-at-home-mom and I missed them and I needed that time. It was more important to me than working out.

I'm going to let you in on a VERY important secret. Please, if you never care about or read another word from this blog ever, at least take this to heart:

Having a bad day, a bad week or a bad month does NOT mean you have failed. You are not "starting over" when you begin eating well again and staying active. You are resuming your journey. The ONLY thing that matters is that you never give up. 

A healthy mind and body require balance. It's ok to have a cheat. It's ok to skip a workout once in a while if I just feel absolutely exhausted. A healthy lifestyle should make you feel amazing, not burnt out and frustrated. Living healthy should not feel like we are punishing ourselves for not being where we want to be.

The minute you start feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted, I want you to remember that being healthy shouldn't be a chore that makes you miserable. It should be your goal to find balance, to take some "you time" when you need it and to rest when you need it. Your life and your health isn't always going to fit neatly into a program or a schedule and that is OK!!!!

That's not to say that you should just throw a schedule out the window. Try to stick to your plans to meet your goals. You need to have consistency to some extent to be successful. However, there are times where breaking is not only ok, but necessary for your well-being. If you need to break from your plans, don't punish yourself or let guilt set in. Just determine how you're going to do better tomorrow.

I hope you have a beautiful week. I hope you find ways to recharge this weekend, and come back strong and ready to face and overcome challenges. Don't punish yourself for not meeting a goal! Instead, find a way to make it more doable and try, try again!